You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
