I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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