erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I will pee on everything he values.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
