Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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