it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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