I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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