I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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