sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
