he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Randomize
