I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
