You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
