Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
