And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
there is puke in my bra ... again
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
