I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
