I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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