Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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