He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
