As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
