4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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