So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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