so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
