i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I need to align my fucking chakras
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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