I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
