Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Operation Purity has been aborted
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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