Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
This is the high leading the old right now
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
