I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
