apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
