I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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