ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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