Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
