I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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