He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
