Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
