where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
