I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
