I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
