Kiss
Puke
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
