the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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