just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
