The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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