you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
we should paint friendship bongs
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize