We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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