I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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