we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
