do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
