Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
