You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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