WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
