Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Less talking, more tequila
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
