Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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