Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize