Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
