happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
