so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
