WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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