look no pants
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
