Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
