They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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