i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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