He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
