Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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