We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
