You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
