xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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