i permit you to call me
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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