I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So much rum. So many feels.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
