I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
