I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
