My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
