see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So vagazzling was a success
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
