Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
