How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
