now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
