if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
