I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
